Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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