Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
