My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
