she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
