What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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