Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
