If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
