i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
