Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
