i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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