This girl is more easily done than said...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
