Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
