I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
