just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
