ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
