i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
