I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
