There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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