my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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