Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
