This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
