these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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