Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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