Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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