I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
