Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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