omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
