she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
