Ambien. No doubt about it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
