Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
