I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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