in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
