I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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