Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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