just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
