I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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