there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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