My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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