if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
