If i could tip my vagina, i would.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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