he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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