remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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