4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
