I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
