Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
