After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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