Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
