the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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