the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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