There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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