No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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