Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
