I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
