like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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