Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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