just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
