he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
