I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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