I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
