tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
