I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
