Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she smelled like a LAN party
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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