you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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