God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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