Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
