I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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