He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
sarcasm needs its own font
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
