I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
God, I missed his penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
